By The Passerines Disaster Reduction Squad #26

A Pigeon Lover’s Guide to Safe City Sidewalks
How many times have you seen the scenario depicted here? A woman, stranded and unarmed amongst hordes of angry pigeons? Horrified onlookers paralyzed by fear? As you may know, pigeons acting en masse can disable most militant vehicles. A threatened pigeon is a deadly one. By the time a rescuer can reach this woman, it will already be too late.

The human reaction to pigeon danger is very extreme. Humans have been known to attack a flock of pigeons in the desert with nuclear weapons. Other suggested remedies for “the pigeon problem” include dangerous schemes such as citywide distribution of poisoned popcorn, the hanging of birdfeeders just inside highly polished glass windows, and lighting controlled fires downtown following the lunch hour.
Operation Feathered Fiend, November, 1951, Nevada Desert.
An irate pigeon “puffs” to nearly twice its usual size just before it attacks.

Pigeon misfeed is not a victimless crime. The next time you carelessly litter your edible trash, consider the dire consequences that may ensue. Sick pigeons, gorged on garbage, can bury a city. Pigeon waste washing into natural bodies of water poses a serious threat to native and nonnative aquatic life. The cycle of nasty waste expands rapidly, consuming and destroying all before it. Angry pigeons and their byproducts are most threatening to those who cannot help themselves: children, the sick, and the elderly. We are confident that you will make the correct decision. And if you don’t, we know how to find you. But we are not likely to get there until it is too late.